Digging In Again

Good lord, do I want to do this?

I imported my State of Faith and Saving My Faith documents from Ulysses into Obsidian, along with most of my State of Faith notes, with the idea that I’d like to develop that more and possibly even finish it. It’ll be different than it would have been if I’d finished it a year ago, and even some of what I’d polished will change. I’m not quite sure I want to immerse myself in that again—I’m in a different place than I was, and some of my anger has subsided. I’ve settled into being mostly agnostic while carrying on with Christian worship and piety, sort of. I don’t know what I am, and I don’t know that it matters. I’ve actually got a contemplative practice of sorts (listening to Lectio365 daily), even though I’d hardly call myself a contemplative—my brain is too overactive for that. Intellectual, yes—I can overthink with the best of them. Perhaps what I can do it to cultivate a practice of study—regular time set aside to read and think and write. I’ve been doing the reading bit fairly well but not so much of the writing, and writing is what forces me to examine and articulate what I’ve been thinking. It’s hard (for me) to be sloppy when I’m explaining an idea to someone, even if that someone is myself—my OCD won’t let me. How would I explain a concept to someone without any theological training?

It’s going to take some emotional energy to get myself into that head space again and find the concentration to write. On the other hand, I fall into that fairly easily if I just have a block of uninterrupted time and something challenging to read. Give me a good book, and it’s highlight-palooza. It’d be easier if I didn’t have to work around copy protection on most of the books I’m reading, but figuring out ways to work around problems is what I do. Right now, it’s time to go to bed so I can be perky for our road trip tomorrow—study time will have to wait.