Memo to everyone who has been behaving badly on my feed:

I recently was told that people were shouting at each other on my feed. I spend very little time on social media, particularly Facebook, because it has become a cesspool, and I was oblivious until someone apologized for blowing up my notifications. I have deleted the Facebook app from all my devices, so I actually don’t get any notifications. The only reason this post exists is that I created it on a quieter platform and absent-mindedly cross-posted to Facebook.

For those who missed it, I am an “old cis het white man”, and I don’t want to intimidate anyone. My post was intended as a self deprecating bit of humor.

• Old—I’m 61. Close enough.
• Cisgender—My parts are male, and I feel male. Check.
• Heterosexual—I’m unambiguously straight.
• White—I am so white.
• Man—See cis.
• Intimidating—a lot of people who look like me have made life hell for a lot of people I care about, so I’m just making it clear that I’m safe for them.

I don’t see anything terribly subversive there. If you took that as an attack on your dignity, nope—I was talking about myself and how I want to be perceived.

I’d like to point out that that this is my feed—my space on Facebook—and some of you have barged in and started shouting insults. As this is my digital home, I will not permit anyone to be disparaged, insulted, or attacked. It might help you to know that I was persistently bullied throughout my childhood, and I will not permit that to happen to anyone else anywhere that I have the power to prevent it. I am shutting down comments on this post and deleting the ones that have been made. I am not reading them, because I refuse to waste my limited emotional energy watching people I have called family and friends savage each other in an online cage match.

I have committed to making my home a safe space for everyone, and there are ground rules:

• This is a safe space for anyone of good will.
• Disagreement is permitted and encouraged, but it must be done respectfully. Behave, people.
• Disgust and contempt are corrosive and are not permitted.
• I try to listen to all honest viewpoints, but I have no time for ad hominem.
• This applies to everyone, regardless of affiliation or political position. While I am disappointed with their behavior of late, I grew up among Evangelicals, and they are still my people. Don’t assume I will let you trash them.

Facebook (and politicians and much of popular culture) makes money by dividing and enraging us and calling it “engagement”. Difference does not require division nor does it imply evil intent. Don’t accept the lies we’ve been fed, that tell us it’s all their fault. Sometimes life is just hard, and it’s more productive to work on solutions together than to look for scapegoats.

Finally, Jesus (whom I want to be like) told us to forgive our enemies and welcome strangers as neighbors. Let’s take that seriously, even if, especially if, it is hard work.

Note: Facebook won’t let me post this and turn off comments. I don’t want any more argument, so I’ve just hidden the post for now.